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Asian girl texting in bedOk, so you finally got her phone number after playing verbal patty cake on Tinder for a few days or you got it at the bar/club just before her friends cock blocked you and whisked her away. You text her the next day and suggest a meet for coffee or drinks and all of a sudden, she gets politely aloof, saying she’s busy this week, but she’d love to when she has more time. That, or she stops responding to your texts altogether.

What just happened? It could be one of many things. Women, especially the hot ones, have changing priorities. Here are just a few scenarios that are most common among why they become flaky. Five new guys started hitting her up and you’ve dropped off her radar. She’s feeling insecure about her looks, her period, her job, her familial relationships or any number of issues that women find emotionally overwhelming. Her ovulation cycle just ended and she’s no longer feeling sexual. You didn’t establish enough comfort/rapport or attraction when you met and thus she doesn’t feel safe enough to go out or the chemistry just isn’t there. Many women give out their number as a polite way to blow you off at the moment or as an easy way to get their egos stroked, only to later make themselves unavailable.

phone kissBecause women have been known to go from hot to cold one day and back to hot the next, you shouldn’t write her off just because she isn’t being responsive to your advances on a particular day. However, you should learn to take a hint as well. As a rule, if she blows me off three times or says something obviously rude or insulting, I next her quick. Although I always remind guys that it’s nearly impossible to generate sexual attraction over text (you should always try to do this in person), it is possible to pique her curiosity and make her want to take things further. It’s all about getting her to meet up, but you’ll have a much higher success rate by baby stepping the process without trying to skip ahead.

Step 1. Send her a re-engagement text: This is a text that can be used to reference an earlier, experience, an inside joke, or a joke about why you were away (The Got Pickup Lines app has an entire subcategory of these for fast reference). Perhaps you made a nickname for her when you first met (this is a great way to establish familiarity with someone). I like to call a girl by the name of the state, region, or country of her origin, or I make fun of her profession (example: for substitute teacher: glorified babysitter). The intent of the re-engagement text is to put her in a positive state so she distinguishes you from the other chodes and allows you to continue the interaction where you left off.

girl smiling and textingStep 2. Determine her interests: If you haven’t already, share your tastes in music, books, movies, fashion, drinks, food, hobbies, travel etc. Find out what makes her tick. Even if she’s just a scene queen, this is valuable information since it will help you find her passions and motivations.

Step 3. Seed the meet-up: Find an event that you think she’d enjoy and tell her (don’t ask) that you’re going and she should tag along, as it should be fun. If she already knows she’s into you and you are a priority, she’ll go out of her way to meet up with you, or if she sincerely can’t make it, she should offer you an alternative time when she’s available. If she decides to play coy and blows off your offer, it’s time to employ step number 4.

Step 4. Send her the value-giving text: A value giving text is one that provides value (in the form of emotional stimulation) without asking for anything in return. An example could be a funny joke or meme, a quick story a short video or animated gif. The rate at which you send these texts is determined by her interest level. If, in your last communication, she told you she’s really busy this month with finals or work or whatever, I would send no more than two a week. If she gives a more generic excuse like she’s with her friends, or doing errands you can send one a day. Unless she tells you to stop texting her, you can assume she’s ok with it and she’s deriving value from them. She will eventually begin to respond to the ones she can relate to and those that move her emotionally.

Step 5. Determine the hook point. Sooner or later, if the value you’re providing is good enough, you will notice an emotional spike in which she will emote excitement, laughter or a longer response within a shorter response time. Take note of the content of that text, as it will be useful for curating topics for future texts. As soon as you detect this elevation in her response, it’s time to seal the deal.

Step 6. Get her on a voice call and suggest the meet-up. You’ve in fact given her a form of pleasure, a dose of dopamine for her brain, if you will. She is much more likely to answer a voice call (or facetime even better) from you once you’ve spiked her emotions in the hook text. Many PUAs have also noticed that girls are much less likely to flake on the date afterwards if the date is made on a voice call. In this call, you will tell her (not ask her) that you’re going to be at such and such a place, and that she should come, as it will be fun. If for some reason, she declines the offer and does not suggest an alternative date, it’s time to enact step 7.

Step 7. Cut her dopamine fix – Soft ghost that chick: That’s right, she’s gotten used to your text drip and it’s time to stop giving her the free samples. Don’t hit her up for another week or two and then simply start the process over. If she reaches out to you first, it usually means she’s ready to play ball.

Step 8. You make the date and you’re in or, rinse and repeat steps 4-7

Some things to be aware of: You don’t want to become her texting buddy, and therefore, you don’t want to engage her in long text conversations. You are only using text to spike her emotions or to confirm logistics after a meetup has been established.

Following these steps will not only help you weed out the time wasters (those only looking for ego validation), but efficiently move girls in your text funnel towards a possible sexual encounter in person.

By the way, many of the conversational elements to optimize your text game including, dating app openers, re-engagement texts and messaging closers are available in the amazing Got Pickup Lines app available at

Now, to get her from the meet-up back to your place, make sure you read my article: “How to Pull

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